It's been a long, trolly few months. Every time it dies down in one place, it springs back up in another- like a really unpleasant game of Horrible People Wack-A-Mole.
So, I'm taking a break. I've been sick and between that and the setting people on fire on the internet- I haven't had as much time as I'd like to work on my art.
Being an artist is pretty much nothing like people think it is. There is a lot more paperwork and updating webpages involved. Less parties and being glamorous. I'm glad glamor is not a required element, because I would fail that pretty hard.
There are some required elements to be a fine artist that people don't normally think of. Stubbornness. Being willing to work incredibly fucking hard for something you believe in which may never actually "pan out" in the sense of making you enough money to live on. Being able to take a lot of people saying No to you.
I'm sitting here, with my fingers lightly covered in the glue I couldn't quite get off, and I am happy. I spent 2 hours in my studio- painting, gluing, wiring things and naming them. I made plans for pieces I wanted to make, and I started stepping them forward.
I feel really happy. I love working in my studio like I love swimming. When everything is clicking, and I can just act in the moment- without my brain fidgeting and turning in and over on itself, picking at this or that detail.
It's such a refuge for me. I'll always be an artists because I will always feel compelled to make things, even if I can't get people interested in them. I would still make something. Making things is a way to soothe and comfort myself. It's a way I make myself happy.