Diet pills- a primer on fen phen

If you've been keeping up with the fat activist community, I'm sure you're aware of proposed guidelines to "Treat the Weight First"- or as I think of it, holding healthcare for fat people hostage until they lose weight. 

The topic has been pretty well covered by Ragen Chastain at Dances with Fat, Liss at Shakesville, and S.E. Smith at xojane, so I'm not going to get into the weeds of the proposal too much, except to say that this is a goddamn nightmare come true for people like me. 

What I want to address is the part of this guideline where it calls for the mandatory use of diet pills.  

Whenever anyone talks about new diet pills, I want your brain to immediately think- FEN PHEN.

Let's all remember what happened the last time Pharma was so excited about diet pills. It's all been shoved down the memory hole pretty hard, but it's time to dig it back up.

Fen phen is a drug combination of two drugs.  The Fen is one of two drugs- fenfluramine (Pondimin) or dexfenfluramine (Redux), and the Phen is phentermine.

Podimin and Redux are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI)- they reduce appetite by boosting the amount of serotonin in the brain. Phentermine is phenethylamine, which is similar to amphetamine. Speed, basically.

These two drugs together caused damage to heart valves that resulted in open heart surgery for people. It also caused a lung disease called Primary Pulmonary Hypertension (PPH).

PPH is a narrowing of the blood vessels from the heart to the lungs, like crimping a water hose so less and less water can get through. The heart pumps faster and faster, trying to get blood to the lungs to get oxygen into the blood.  You suffocate to death, slowly.

Mary Linnen wanted to lose 20 pounds to fit into her wedding dress.  She took fen phen for 23 days, and she got PPH. 

Mary had to have a tube implanted into her heart to have a machine continuously pump a drug into it to help her heart pump faster. 

"For the rest of her life, Mary would be hooked up to a portable machine. She would have to make up her solution daily, fill her tube, clean all the equipment. Infection would always haunt her. The machine was equipped with an alarm. If it malfunctioned, she had only two minutes to fix it or call an ambulance, because she would probably go into cardiac arrest." (Alicia Mundy, Dispensing with the Truth)

The tube was always in danger of becoming dislodged, and when it did, it sprayed blood everywhere. Mary lost her eyesight completely in one eye. Less than a year after taking the drug combo, she was dead.  

Pulmonary hypertension was a death sentence. 

The drug maker Wyeth* was responsible for the approval of Redux and the marketing of the drug combo as a new wonder drug for weight loss.  

Wyeth knew that Redux caused PPH at much higher rates than they had previously admitted to. They knew and they hid it from the FDA.  They hyped up the risks from 'obesity' because an effective diet pill is worth billions. 

Redux also only caused a 3% weight loss when compared to a placebo. That is a 6 pound weight loss in a 200 pound person. And the weight loss only lasted as long as the pills were taken.

Wyeth conducted a $100 million PR campaign to bury fen phen, to pay as few damages as possible, to not be punished in any way by the government, and to make sure that people forgot about fen phen. To make sure that people never knew the extent of the damage in the first place. 

I am working on a longer piece about the history of fen phen and how it is still affecting us today. 

But just for now- where does this leave us? Where we are is with a pharmaceutical and weight loss industry that thinks it's been long enough to start shelling out diet pills again. That everyone has forgotten. 

There's a new phentermine combination to sell to people and other diet drugs that the industry wants doctors to get on the ball and prescribe to fat people. 

The industry has argued before that the enormous benefits of diet drugs out weigh any deaths that may occur. 

I would argue that these huge, ridiculous numbers of people supposedly dying every year have been often repeated but never proved.  There are no enormous benefits to point to. Just people who have been injured and killed.

So when you hear diet drugs-- think about fen phen. And don't be fooled by FDA approval. All of the drugs in fen phen were FDA approved. The FDA works for the drug companies, not the public. 

The weight loss industry wants to erase what they did from our memories.  Don't let them. 

*Wyeth was originally American Home Products and has since been bought by Pfizer and there's another company called Interneuron that was involved, but I'm going to just refer to the whole shebang as Wyeth to keep it simple.

** This information is from the book Dispensing with the Truth by Alicia Mundy, Battling Goliath by Kip Petroff, and Public Health Profiteering by James T Bennett and Thomas J DiLorenzo.

Capitalism and the weight loss industry

It is incredibly frustrating when the radical Left buys into the weight loss industry's propaganda without even bothering to question it.  

I know this comes as a shock to a lot of people, based on the constant negative rhetoric surrounding fat people, but fatness as a disease is a very recent development.  'Obesity' was only classified as a disease by the American Medical Association in 2013. Not even two years ago. 

The weight loss industry had been pushing for the reclassification since the 1990s. They wanted it & they paid for it & they eventually got it.

Why is this important? Because it means BIG money to the diet lobby. It means money from the government & from insurance.

This is not now & never has been about the health of fat people. It is about extracting the maximum amount of money from the system. When individual people aren't kicking in enough money to feed the beast, the weight loss industry will go extract it from the government.

The weight loss industry has always made its money off pain & suffering & the fear of stigma. They are happy to pay whatever amount to whoever it takes to ratchet up the stigma. Making sure fat people are seen as a disease and a burden on the system is an investment in their business.

Sell people a product that won't fix a problem (that isn't actually a problem). The problem is never solved, so the market for the cure never goes away. AND! The customer blames themselves for the product's failure.

Who cares if some of those customers die from weight loss surgery complications or diet pills that were improperly approved or from eating disorders?  It's SO MUCH money.

They have found a way to monetize an existing hatred & stigma. And since people seem to need to have someone to kick in the teeth-- business is good.

Taxpayers will pay for it. Fat people will suffer & die & be blamed for their own suffering.

And the weight loss companies will be rich beyond measure.

As the weight loss industry extracts resources from the system that could be used instead for something good or useful- fat people are blamed. 

These companies take and take and return only pain and suffering and death.

And we allow it. Because... capitalism. There will be winners and there will be losers! And if you are fat- prepare to lose.

The weight loss industry is one of the most perfect examples of the brutality of capitalism. Buying into it is not very radical at all.

Vegetarian for people with food issues

We know that some people have triggers with food, maybe due to a history of eating disorders or weight related abuse.  We also that as a society, we can't sustain current levels of meat eating and expect to still have a livable planet.

So. How can we help people with food triggers to eat less meat or go vegetarian?

I will tell you how I did it, because I have really bad food triggers based on past abuse.  Any feelings of being denied food play into that abuse and the restricting/purging ED issues I developed.

I really struggled with going vegetarian at first, but the best advice I got was from my Twitter friend, Camille.  She said that when you crave meat, what you are craving is not actually the meat.  It's the texture and the sauce and other seasonings. 

This was really great advice. What I was able to do was substitute non-meat recipes for the things I wanted. And the results are close enough that it doesn't trigger any feelings of being deprived or denied food. 

We also decided to fade out eating meat, which we did over the course of a year. We would have less meals with meat, and then over time, we didn't use meat to cook with at the house any more, but we would eat meat for take out and restaurants.  

I think this is key for two reasons-- first, if you've had issues with eating disordered behavior, it's really important to not make any eating changes too fast. For me, any sharp & abrupt changes feel too much like the start of a new 'diet'. It is too close to those old, bad feelings, and it activates them.

Second is, the way you cook vegetarian/vegan meals is a new skill set, and it can take time to acquire those skills.  You may have to get access to supplies that aren't in every grocery store and using the major vegetarian proteins- tempeh, seitan, & tofu- it takes some time to get used to.

Give yourself the time to learn. If you just grab the fake cold cuts and bean burgers and think you're going to make it as a vegetarian long term, you probably won't.

Even eating less meat is really important so if you're trying and not quite getting there yet- don't feel guilty! It's important to do what you can and not push yourself past what you are comfortable with too soon.

Do NOT expect to lose weight on a vegetarian or vegan diet. I didn't lose any weight when I stopped eating meat. This kind of talk is super prevalent among vegan groups, and I wish they would stop. (I'm going to write more about that another time.)

If you find that trying to cut out meat is triggering you- back off and give yourself space to breathe.  The environment and animals are important, but your mental health is important too. 

Give yourself time and space to build a foundation where you can feel safe with there being a type of food that you don't eat. 

If you have questions about going vegetarian while dealing with food triggers- please feel free to reach out to me.

This is my blog

This is my space.

I make the rules for this space.

No one gets to co-opt this space with sexist rhetoric. 

I will not debate my life experience with anyone. 

If you don't like how I run this blog or what I write about- you are free to go start your own blog. 

But do not think I am going to give over what I have built to some dude to mansplain to me how I'm doing it wrong and that patriarchy isn't real.

Go away. I do not consent to talk to you.

Why I never dated a fat guy

One of the ways in which the dudebro part of the internet (the *cough* manosphere **cough, choke, splutter, die of laughter** ) likes to attack fat activists is by complaining that fat women never date fat men.

This is, of course, in between loud shrieking complaints about how gross and awful fat women are.  Because nothing the manosphere does makes any sense.

Can someone please come collect this pail of slime? If you've lost a bag full of whining and rape apology, I know where you left it. Someone come haul this garbage to the dump.

But since I keep getting the 'question' of why I am not dating a fat man whine-shouted at me online, I will answer it.

I never dated a fat guy, because the fat guys I liked never wanted to date me.

That's it, dudes. I had a thing at different times for different cute, chubbly dudes, but they didn't want to date me. 

There is no conspiracy.

Now, if you'll allow me to speculate a bit, I do think there is a reason why a lot of straight fat women end up with thinner male partners.  I have a theory.

My theory is that fat men get shit from other men. They get shit in ways that are meant to bring their masculinity into question. That being fat somehow makes them less of a man.

(Please note-- I am not agreeing with or endorsing this. Just speculating on my observations.)

That for straight men, especially the younger ones, being able to have the trophy 'hot' girlfriend is a marker of masculinity.  That having a fat woman as a partner also brings masculinity into question among other men.  And that some fat men may not be willing or able to stand up to the further questioning of their status as Men that dating a fat woman would bring.

Patriarchy ruins everything again.

What do you think?  I welcome a discussion in the comments, especially from fat men. 

How to make a Button Bouquet

I'm getting married soon, and I wanted one of those cool button bouquets that you see all over Etsy and the alterna gothy wedding webpages.

I looked all over Etsy for one that spoke to me, but I couldn't really find what I wanted.

I thought- I'm pretty crafty, so I'll make them myself!  

I googled around for instructions, and I found some that use wire to make the stems.  You make the whole thing out of wire.  I tried that, but apparently my using wire abilities are not up to par.

I saw some references to using floral foam, and that's what I ended up doing.  

I couldn't find a good, detailed tutorial for the floral foam style, so I decided to make one for y'all.

What you will need-

A half sphere of floral foam.  I got an 8" for me and 6" for my bridesmaids. I got them from Amazon, b/c the craft store is not convenient for me to get to. 

A handle. I bought these from Amazon, but you could also use dowel rods cut to size, if you have that at hand. 

Pliers and floral wire

Buttons and buttons and more buttons and brooches and beads.

Seriously, however many buttons you think you should need- you need WAY more than that. 

Sourced from Etsy, Amazon, Joann's, and stuff I had already.  

You can keep to your wedding colors if you want. I didn't, because I like a lot of color. And if you have a theme in mind, you probably can find buttons in that theme too. I want skulls, so I bought a lot of skull beads and buttons.  

Fake flowers. From Etsy and craft stores.

I also used pinback buttons and Lego skeletons. You can really add just about any small object to this bouquet.

Hot glue gun! Be careful, y'all. Don't burn yourself like I inevitably do.  

I forgot to take individual photos of these, but you also need fabric and lace. 

Before we get much further-- some people spray paint their floral foam prior to gluing on the buttons. It allows you to be less concerned about gaps in the buttons.  I didn't do this b/c I was concerned it would make the foam sticky, which seemed like a pain. And I was anxious to get started.

But you could buy an extra foam and try it out, if having to be less fussy with the buttons appeals to you.

Ok- we're ready to start.  

Cut a small piece of wire. 

Thread the wire through the button. (Or bead. Or the back of the pinback or around the Lego, etc.)

Twist the wire together.

Push it into the foam.

Pull it back out. 

Hot glue on the hole in the foam. 

Press the button down on the glue.

Keep adding stuff until you fill up the foam.

It's time to add the handle. The handles I bought were made to have actual flowers in them, so I just clipped off that foam part and glued the handle part to the bottom.

It's pretty sturdy with the glue. I wouldn't advise whipping it around over your head by the handle or anything, but if you treat the bouquet with a decent amount of care- it should be fine.

If you're using a dowel rod, make a hole in the bottom, fill it up with glue and stick the wood in it.

Cut a piece of fabric larger than your bouquet. Cut a hole in the middle for the handle and glue it down to the foam.  I'm using satin here, but I could have gone less fancy, since I added lace on top of it.

Trim the fabric.

There will be a gap between the buttons on the bottom of the foam and the fabric. Glue lace around the gap.

Then I added a piece of fabric to cover the base of the handle I used.

More lace around the side of the bouquet.

The lace won't lay flat in a circle. So I tucked it and glued it down.  You will need something like a pen or the tip of a pair of scissors to press the edges down so you don't burn yourself.  I was using an awl I had handy.

Then another layer of lace.

I had this skull lace and I wanted black to be one of my colors, so I added black lace around the side.

I cut the roses out of this black Venetian lace and added them. You can also see here the additional layers of lace on the handle.

The finished bottom of the bouquet. I added a string of pearls and additional lace. I added the leaves of the flowers from the black lace to the handle.

Top view of the finished bouquet.

Done!  Now I just have to finish the ones for the bridesmaids.

This takes a LOT of time, and it isn't exactly cheaper than just buying them would have been. Buttons and lace aren't cheap.  But I really like how it turned out, and it's exactly what I wanted. 

I don't care why you're fat.

There is a type of sexual fetish around feeding someone or gaining weight. People gain weight on purpose because it brings them and their partners sexual pleasure. 

Why bring this up-- well. Because the fat haters who like to harass fat activists love to conflate gainers (people who eat to gain weight on purpose) with fat people who don't do that. With fat people who are just fat and eat pretty much what you might imagine a thin person eating.

It can get pretty frustrating because I think- I don't eat like that.  

Then I kept thinking about it and I decided- I don't care.

I don't care why people are fat.

I invite you to try it. It's amazingly freeing.

Should people be 'allowed' to gain weight for sexual pleasure? Yeah. They should.

Does it risk their health? I don't know. Probably not as much as you think.

People do a lot of things for the sexy times they enjoy. Adults get to make their own decisions. 

Are you fat because you eat too much? Were you always fat? Do you have fat relatives? Fat genetics? 

Do you have an illness that makes you fat? Were you disabled and then you got fat? Did being fat make you disabled? Do you exercise a lot?  Some? Never?

Are you gaining weight on purpose to be as fat as you can?

I don't care.  It doesn't matter.  

I don't care why you're fat.  It doesn't matter to me. 

Fat people are treated like garbage in our culture, and that is what has to change. 

I don't care why you're fat. I care about how you get treated, right now. 

I would like for all of us to feel better about our fat selves, but that is not my ultimate goal. 

I accept myself and feel ok about my fat body most of the time, but that doesn't change how I am treated by others. How we are all discriminated against and treated cruelly by our culture.

It's your body. You get to do with it whatever you'd like. But you don't have to apologize for it. Or explain it. 

It's ok to be fat. Whatever the reason. 

Engagement photos

Hey, y'all! I've got engagement photos! 

These photos were taken by the amazing Mike Allebach at a graffiti spot in Philly.  

I'm posting a gallery here for friends and relatives.  Also, I think the photos are gorgeous and there aren't nearly enough gorgeous photos out there featuring fat people. 

We almost never see fat people (especially women) in a romantic context. I'd like that to change.

Rape Culture

It is sickening to look at the news and see stories about rape everywhere. Not just stories about rape, but the gleeful pushback of a patriarchal culture that calls all rape victims liars.

When I see how rape victims who try to tell their stories are treated, I think to myself- not reporting your rapes was the right call.

Because who wants to be abused publicly and repeatedly after already being raped.

Rapists don't go to jail. They just don't. Nothing happens to them. The victims who dare to speak out- they are the ones who get punished.

Don't be fooled. This is not a 'failed system'. This system does exactly what it is meant to do- protect rapists.  Protect the men who rape. 

It's rape culture. We live in rape culture. Our culture is dedicated to perpetrating rape. 

I'd like to go even further and say that the amount of sexual violence against women, the reaction of our culture, and our laws to protect the rapists equals terrorism.

Rape and the threat of rape is a gendered attack on women. Rape happens to men too and women can rape, but the threat of rape is the gun that Patriarchy holds to the head of all women.

Because even if a woman hasn't been assaulted, there is no way to escape the constant message that she could be. At any time, she could be raped.

Because rape is the biggest hammer that Male Supremacy uses to keep us in line.

It is mental terrorism. The boys who send rape threats to women online- because they may be young, but they already know what you say to a woman to scare her.

If our culture wanted to really do something about rape, we could. But we don't. Because there are supposed to be huge numbers of rape victims. That is the point.

The system works. The system to terrorize women and let rapists walk free- it works beautifully. 

The only time our culture cares about rape is when it can be racist about it. The only rapes that 'count' for our system is the stranger rape of a white woman by a black man.  Then, I assure you, they will find a black man to throw in jail forever. Is he the actual rapist- who gives a shit??? Not us.

But get raped by one of our upstanding young white men? You must be a liar and a slut. If you're a non-white woman or a trans woman or a man- no one will help you. 

These are not isolated cases. They are never isolated cases. 

The system protects the young white men. And the rest of us? Do not matter.  

My online context

Everything that I do online has to be understood in the context of the constant harassment (trolling) that I now get on an almost daily basis. 

If you find that I am more hostile or that I cut you off pretty quickly or that I say up front that I don't want to debate... please try to understand.

There is not a week that goes by that I don't get several nasty comments and emails. Right now, it is about 1 or 2 every couple of days. On very bad days, I could get up to 10 comments.

People calling me a cunt, telling me to go kill myself, speculating on the very most private details of my life- how much I eat (some troll amount like 7000 calories). My personal hygiene or its imagined lack. How soon I'm going to die.

They love picturing me dead or mutilated.

People who stalk my Twitter timeline even though they've been blocked for months. People who tweet nastiness at me for hours on end.

A photo with such a level of gore that I am flinching now even thinking about it.

The more attention my writing gets, the worse the harassment gets.

This is NOTHING compared with what other fat activists are going through. Nothing.

And I barely ever talk about it, because it upsets the people that love me to hear that someone told me to kill myself. Again. 

I want more people to read my work. I think fat activism is extremely important. But the people who write about it?  It COSTS us to do this.