Thank you so much for gifting me with all your knowledge!

What do you mean, if I stopped eating 20 pizzas for lunch every day, that I could lose weight? I NEVER KNEW.

Do you mean, I could stop eating 50 burritos at one time? OH HOW YOU HAVE FREED ME.

I appreciate your CONSTANT NEVER ENDING time and attention! I sure will put these 6 full sized pies down now! I DIDN’T KNOW!!! :D :D

Thank you for letting me know I was fat. Despite the wide availability of mirrors and my inability to buy clothes in any store in the mall, I had no idea!

I will take this new information on board! You have been so very very VERY helpful to me! And consistently generous with your time and constant never ceasing attention!

It must take so much out of your day! All that time you spend recommending walking to me or wondering about how my knees are.

And we barely even know each other, KIND STRANGER!

Or maybe you’re a relative! THANKS, RELATIVES! You’ve spent years and years letting me know that I just wasn’t meeting expectations. Gosh. I’ll try to keep it in mind!

Your generosity overwhelms me! Truly, I can’t even tell you how overwhelmed I feel.

Sincerely,

Your Fat Friend/Relative/Person You Don’t Even Know

(Originally written for Tumblr, but I liked it so much I copied it over which I don't normally do.)