The Corpse Cannon

I was trying to think of a short and amusing (to me) name for that thing that people do when they want to argue with (at) fat activists, so they fling the pain and death of their fat friends and relatives at us.

"Oh yeah? You think it's okay to be fat and that fat people shouldn't be scolded and harangued and punished every day of their lives?? Well, my gramma was fat. AND SHE DIED. CHECKMATE FATTY!"

(ok, whatever, guy. *eye roll*)

I have stared too long into the abyss that is the simple fact that most people simply do not seem like they love their fat loved ones as much as they do their thin ones

That shit is fucking depressing but it's also TRUE.

I have decided to call this rhetorical weirdness The Corpse Cannon. I don't know why anyone thinks I would take this "tactic" seriously, except for feeling bad for your relatives b/c you're clearly shitty.

So I am refusing to take this seriously at all.

The Corpse Cannon is why I try to make the stories of when I have been treated badly b/c of my size have a clear villain. B/c otherwise, thin people just stuff fat pain into the Corpse Cannon and use it to target another fat. And I am legit sick of y'all getting off on our pain.

Feel free to steal this concept and use as necessary.

Shrill and the fat gaze

Here is the thing about Shrill (the show on Hulu). It has a fat gaze. Almost always, when fat girls, women and people perceived as women see ourselves in a visual medium, it is thru the lens of how thin people view us. Never how we see ourselves.

The headless fatty local news footage is the thin gaze. Fat suits are the thin gaze. We hear all the time, only what thin people think of us. Fat girls almost never get a say in any this.

We see Annie as she building her confidence, but Shrill never visually makes her the butt of a joke. She is dressed fashionably. Her entire body is frequently framed, full length.

When she has close ups, they are on her FACE, not used to display the physical attributes of fatness as objects of horror or as fetish objects. Her body is treated like a THIN WOMAN'S BODY would be treated.

Annie is allowed to eat on camera in a normal manner and in a weird manner and in other ways. The act of a fat woman eating is treated as a normal fact of life, not as something grotesque or as some kind of mean joke. She is allowed to eat like thin women do.

So while we do see Annie deal with the discrimination and heartache that is surviving fatphobia- We are not actually seeing her being shamed thru the thin gaze, where fat shaming is played for laughs or so some thin hero can show up to save her. Thin heroes never show up.

We are on her side b/c no matter what is said to Annie by a character, the story has visually framed HER as the protagonist, and therefore the person deserving of our sympathy. We want her to win.

We are allowed by the show to see Annie's reactions, her upset and disappointment, her sweetness, and her joy. Annie is allowed to feel an entire range of emotions. She is allowed to be a full person, which we never see under the thin gaze.

Annie gets to be funny! And not ALWAYS as self depreciation. She is a person in a way that fat girls are never allowed to be.

And the moment where she follows the woman in the red jumpsuit, was such a brilliant and totally visual way to show the liberation that fat activism offers. And how when we are proud and visible, we can change lives without even knowing it.

Wow. I'm gonna be thinking of that scene for so long It stole my breath away.

And all the little things that you know a thin person would never know about. Annie's face going tight and closed in the same way I can literally remember feeling on my own face, in the same moments in my life. How could a thin person know that. They don't.

I know everyone is raving over the sex scenes and I get it. But seriously when was the last time you saw a fat girl eating on TV And it wasn't like a joke or some gross out scene or a chance for the fat girl to give a tearful apology speech about weight loss.

No tearful apology speeches by the fat girl for not whittling herself down by carving off enough of her soul.

Someone needs to make that glitter rainbow dress too, like bitch MAKE THAT HAPPEN FOR ME.



Why I hate the phrase "granny panties"

Ok, I have work to do, but before I get started, I want to talk a bit about the phrase "granny panties" and why I loathe it. Boundaries and ground rules as follows--

1) I am not available for sexual comments or anything suggestive. Not to anyone & especially not to cis men. I don't mind a little light flirting from queer girls and nonbinary people, but I get uncomfortable really fast with this stuff, so unless you know me well... prob don't.

Queer girls and non binary people can tell me they think I'm cute or hot or whatever, cis men will be blocked or muted. 2) I do not need underwear suggestions. This is not about that, it's about my reading of the phrase "granny panties" and why it fucking irks me.

Ok, so here are my thoughts about the phrase "granny panties", in no particular order. Starting with-- I experience this phrase as a type of shaming, in the same tired old vein of that Madonna/Whore complex we can't ever seem to break free from.

I don't find it cute and see my prior threads about why I don't like teasing. For one thing-- older people have sex too, so associating underwear that is supposedly Hilariously Not Sexual with older women is pretty shit.

Second-- the cultural idea that feminine underwear _has_ to serve a sexual purpose for cis men to SEE, rather than to serve a functional purpose for the personal actually WEARING them. Is heteronormative and misogynist crap.

There is literally an entire chapter in Backlash by Susan Faludi about the lingerie industry in the 1980s and how it was totally controlled by cis men who only gave a shit about what THEY wanted cis women to wear.

The CEO of Victoria's Secret gave an interview where he fantasized that career women wanted to wear garter belts to their corporate meetings to "get a little thrill", which... having experienced the shit show that is corporate dress codes, I very fucking much doubt it.

(Page 202 of the 15th Anniversary of Backlash, if you want to see for yourself.)

Third- Different cuts of underwear work differently on different butts and with different styles of clothing. There are some body shapes and some clothes that just work better with high waisted briefs. I don't understand why that is so goddamn hilarious.

Fucking Fourth- I have been sexualized against my will since fucking middle school, can I please JUST BUY SOME GODDAMN UNDERWEAR without it having to be a referendum on if I am ugly or weird or if anyone wants to have sex with me???

FIFTH-- (NO COMMENTARY NEEDED THANK YOU) I have never had anyone call a halt to sex b/c I am wearing high waisted panty briefs. And if they had-- I would have told them to get the fuck out b/c I don't fuck people who criticize my fucking clothes.

SIXTH A lot of the panty sets that are supposedly the "sexy" ones? Really don't work well on fat bodies, especially fat bellies and (christ i still hate this word, but fine) fupas. SHIT ROLLS DOWN. You know what I don't want? MY FUCKING UNDERWEAR MAKING A BREAK FOR THE FLOOR

Like, this feels like a jab that hits fat girls and any other fat people wearing feminine panties way way more than it does thin people wearing panties. And thin people panties COST SO MUCH LESS. Like YOU ALREADY HAVE THE ENTIRE UNDERPANTS WORLD, why are you fucking with ME.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN SEE MY UNDERWEAR LINE, KAREN. STOP LOOKING IF IT BOTHERS YOU, YOU ENORMOUS WEIRDO, STOP COLLABORATING IN YOUR OWN OPPRESSION, YOU TRYHARD

know the phrase "granny panties" isn't going anywhere b/c there's nothing people like more than a mean rhyme, but I fucking hate it And probably don't say it to me b/c I am gonna be pissed. That's it.


Baby Driver

I wanted to talk a little bit about Baby Driver b/c I've been wearing headphones since elementary school to keep myself functional in an nuerotypical world. And the parts where people are just ON Baby about the headphones is very very familiar to me.

It's a little easier now, b/c a lot more people wear headphones everywhere, like the world had moved towards being a little more like me So more people understand now that someone who is wearing headphones is just minding their own business.

But I guess what I just don't understand and never have, is why people feel angry or slighted by someone wearing headphones. All the scenes where someone is being over the top assholey to Baby about the headphones-- Shit like that has definitely happened to me.

And I guess what I would ask the supposedly "normal" people of the world-- Why does it clearly bother you so much to see someone who isn't bother you, being what you consider "weird"?

I watched Baby Driver like slightly in tears, b/c besides being about awesome music and fucking excellent trick driving (LOVE)- It's really about ableism And how the people who do ableist things are the ones who are the assholes.

You really can have Me experience watching this movie. At one point, Josh was like-- CHRIST why can't they just leave him alone??? HE'S JUST SITTING THERE LISTENING TO MUSIC. And I felt that in my chest, like-- now you can see it.

There is something so powerful about watching a protagonist experience something I have experienced myself hundreds & hundreds of times And see someone else who hasn't-- feel just a little bit of the unfairness of it, thru watching a protagonist they have come to empathize with.

The other thing that reminds me of my own life is where Baby is able to wring a concession out of his boss for the accommodations he needs- the headphones- But only by being The Best at his job. I really relate to that too.

B/c in order to maintain the right to have my headphones, in the past, I have had to rely heavily on being the absolute best at my job.

This job is pretty easy with us, but I've had ones in the past where if I have a bad week- Then we have to have a "conversation" about the headphones. Like, I can only have the most minor concession from people for my neurodivergence if I "earn" it.

That's really a fucked up attitude for people to have. What if I wasn't the best person in the office at this job? I guess I can go fuck myself? NT people-- explain yourselves.

I've also had pretty constant ringing in my ears since an extremely bad ear infection in high school. Like... I can't always HEAR people and on top of that, auditory processing issues...

The frustration level of not hearing or not understanding about 30% of what is being said doesn't help the eternal project that is Don't Have a Meltdown Panic Attack Pls.

The frustration level of not hearing or not understanding about 30% of what is being said doesn't help the eternal project that is Don't Have a Meltdown Panic Attack Pls

Headphones aren't just because I don't want to talk to people. It's so I can THINK. It's so all that ADHD forgetting and remembering over and over doesn't overwhelm me completely. Prior to meds, the headphones have been THE most helpful thing for my ADHD.

And it is a real toss up as to which is doing more for me because they both help so much.

This is why I am probably gonna buy a bunch of refurbished iPods just to have, in case. B/c it's not ok for me if I can't listen to what I _need_ to listen to. It's not ok if the internet is out and the streaming music isn't working.

Originally published on Twitter on 4/2/19