I wanted to talk a little bit about Baby Driver b/c I've been wearing headphones since elementary school to keep myself functional in an nuerotypical world. And the parts where people are just ON Baby about the headphones is very very familiar to me.

It's a little easier now, b/c a lot more people wear headphones everywhere, like the world had moved towards being a little more like me So more people understand now that someone who is wearing headphones is just minding their own business.

But I guess what I just don't understand and never have, is why people feel angry or slighted by someone wearing headphones. All the scenes where someone is being over the top assholey to Baby about the headphones-- Shit like that has definitely happened to me.

And I guess what I would ask the supposedly "normal" people of the world-- Why does it clearly bother you so much to see someone who isn't bother you, being what you consider "weird"?

I watched Baby Driver like slightly in tears, b/c besides being about awesome music and fucking excellent trick driving (LOVE)- It's really about ableism And how the people who do ableist things are the ones who are the assholes.

You really can have Me experience watching this movie. At one point, Josh was like-- CHRIST why can't they just leave him alone??? HE'S JUST SITTING THERE LISTENING TO MUSIC. And I felt that in my chest, like-- now you can see it.

There is something so powerful about watching a protagonist experience something I have experienced myself hundreds & hundreds of times And see someone else who hasn't-- feel just a little bit of the unfairness of it, thru watching a protagonist they have come to empathize with.

The other thing that reminds me of my own life is where Baby is able to wring a concession out of his boss for the accommodations he needs- the headphones- But only by being The Best at his job. I really relate to that too.

B/c in order to maintain the right to have my headphones, in the past, I have had to rely heavily on being the absolute best at my job.

This job is pretty easy with us, but I've had ones in the past where if I have a bad week- Then we have to have a "conversation" about the headphones. Like, I can only have the most minor concession from people for my neurodivergence if I "earn" it.

That's really a fucked up attitude for people to have. What if I wasn't the best person in the office at this job? I guess I can go fuck myself? NT people-- explain yourselves.

I've also had pretty constant ringing in my ears since an extremely bad ear infection in high school. Like... I can't always HEAR people and on top of that, auditory processing issues...

The frustration level of not hearing or not understanding about 30% of what is being said doesn't help the eternal project that is Don't Have a Meltdown Panic Attack Pls.

Headphones aren't just because I don't want to talk to people. It's so I can THINK. It's so all that ADHD forgetting and remembering over and over doesn't overwhelm me completely. Prior to meds, the headphones have been THE most helpful thing for my ADHD.

And it is a real toss up as to which is doing more for me because they both help so much.

This is why I am probably gonna buy a bunch of refurbished iPods just to have, in case. B/c it's not ok for me if I can't listen to what I _need_ to listen to. It's not ok if the internet is out and the streaming music isn't working.

Originally published on Twitter on 4/2/19