Fat and family

I think it's really important for us to be able to talk about painful issues. I think one of the worst things about dealing with abusive behavior, is how it can make people feel isolated and alone.

For me, fat acceptance is largely an online community.  I think it's that way for most of us. So we talk and share online with each other.  Online is how we find each other.

I can't even tell you how much this community means to me.  It had given me a life I never thought I could have.  

But sometimes- there are things we can't talk about.  Because this is the internet, and the internet is searchable.  

As I recently found out- you can't always depend on prior indifference to protect you.  For example, your parent who has never shown an interest in what you're doing may decide to look into your blog (Thanks, Facebook!) and that could potentially blow up pretty badly.  FOR EXAMPLE. 

A lot of fat people have to take a lot of shit from their families.  Not everyone feels comfortable putting it out there, but I thought it was possible that people might want to talk about it.  But maybe they were worried about people they know reading it.

So I thought I'd invite people to send me their stories, and I would publish them here.

I can keep you completely anonymous or credit you however you like.  All the comments on this website are moderated, and I won't publish shitty troll comments.

What do you think? Contact me with your story.  (Or if you just want to chat.)

New Atheism Disappoints me

When I was in high school my friends used to joke that being raised Southern Baptist either made you a true believer or an atheist.  

I want to talk about my atheism and growing up in the church.  It's important to me but also remains a very sore and touchy subject.  Nothing angries up my blood faster than fundamentalist Christians.  It makes me more angry and faster than fat stigma.  Than anything really.

When the New Atheist stuff started happening, I was excited to see people talking about atheism.  Because I grew up in the almost total theocracy of the American South, in Alabama, where being religious-- and religious the right way-- is pretty much mandatory and completely in your face.  People have no problems asking intrusive and insulting questions about your perceived religiousness and especially about your lack of it.

It may not be legal in the US for religion to invade into workplaces and schools, but if no one is enforcing the law- then it really isn't the law.  And the South historically doesn't seem to give a good goddamn about following laws they don't care for.

So being a non-believer, a scary spooky atheist- it's been important to me.  Especially after what I've been through to be able to lay claim to even openly say that I'm not religious-- it matters.

But that's a story for another time.

I really do believe there is a way to discuss belief and non-belief without pissing everyone off.  Some people will be pissed off regardless. Some because I dared to talk about atheism at all.  Some because they really like confronting and pissing people off with their atheism. 

I think I might have been an atheist before I even knew what it meant.  In the Southern Baptist church and in other evangelical Protestantism, there is a lot of emphasis on feelings.  Your feelings are how you know that God is speaking to you.  There is a lot of the language of feelings-- of being "convicted in the heart".

And I just... never felt it.  Everyone around me seemed to be having an experience that I just wasn't having.  Every so often, I would feel a wisp of what I assumed people where talking about.  I would have a stray strong feeling, but I could never really duplicate the process on anything like a regular basis.   

Later, when I got into music, I would have experiences like those described in my church.  I would be convicted in my heart by a song that I felt like was speaking only to me.  I would feel such amazing, strong emotions of love and joy and sadness- all through music.  I would rapturously listen to one song over and over, trying to fully get at it's meaning, to code it into my cells as memory so I could call it up at will and feel happy or sad as I chose. 

I knew how to open up my heart and soul to this intensity, possibly because of the training I received in church. But I never felt like this during service. Mostly all I felt was bored. I tried to imitate what I assumed I was meant to be doing, but SB church can be very long. And there were times when we went multiple times a week.

This is what I think the basic problem or difference is between people who believe and people who don't- however they choose to label themselves.  Some people are having an internal, emotional experience, and some people aren't.  

When I strip away the rage I feel towards the way I was treated in the church, that's what I'm left with.  That's the non-sarcastic, not angry, not trying to get a rise out of them reason-- I can't feel their feelings like they do.  Just like they couldn't feel mine.

And maybe across that gap, we can write about what we feel and see if it makes sense to the other group.  But it may not.  Frankly, I'm ok with that.

As long as people don't bother me with their religion, I don't give a fuck what they believe or do.  I don't care about much that people do privately that doesn't involve me. Why should I?  I have a full and busy life, and I can't be getting het up over every damn little thing someone else is doing.

But where it does matter is when people want to use their religions to tell other people how to live and then try to write that into law. All the NOPE on that.  That shit has got to be slapped back as hard as possible, until people learn to leave well enough alone.

The problem with Christian fundamentalists is that they will never ever learn that lesson.  And that's why they have to be fought back at every turn.  Because if you give them an inch, they'll take ALL your rights away and replace them with the 10 Commandments.  These people are not fucking joking around.

The more I see dudebro atheists on the internet, the less excited I am by this new surge in publicity around atheism.  Mostly because I'm not a fucking asshole.  I don't think you can argue anyone out of religious belief anymore than you can argue someone into one.

I believe we need people to be fierce opponents in the face of fundamentalist theocratic creep, in the erasing of our church state separation, in the re-writing of American history to be that of an explicitly Christian country.  

Man, that pisses me off.  The establishment of our federal government in an explicitly non-religious way, the founding of our country as the first secular nation on the planet-- these are things we should be proud of.  (And look, not for nothing, but we've done a lot of fucked up shit as a country. So we should really be hanging onto the good stuff.)

I do think there should be fierce and vocal opposition to religious encroachment into public life, and I do occasionally enjoy listening to atheists debate religious apologists.  I enjoy those debates because both sides agreed to them and the discussion hasn't be thrust unwillingly onto one party or another. 

So what's my problem with the current crop of atheists? It's that the very white and male and otherwise privileged atheists you see on the internet seem to want to tear down the oppressive structure of organized religion without challenging any other form of oppression.  They want to remove religion while still making sure that white males are still in charge.  And I'm not down with that.

I am not down with the misogyny and racism I see in current atheism. I am not down with targeting Muslims in any way.  

Why are these guys targeting Muslims for special hatred when the clear problem, especially in the US, is fundamentalist Christians? Muslims do not have political power in this country, so it's time for these dudes to stop fantasizing about how they would personally stop 9/11 and focus on the ACTUAL PEOPLE who are winning the court battles to take away people's rights in THIS COUNTRY! 

Maybe they don't care, since so far most of the rights taken away have been reproductive rights, and these dudes sure seem to hate women.

This is not the vigorous opposition I was hoping for.  

Heat Wave!

The 4th of July weekend. Happy day off, my American friends! (Those of you who do get the day.)

Happy totally normal random day of the year, everyone else!

We had a pretty busy 4th- saw a movie, visited friends.  It'll be a much shorter blog than usual this week.  But I did have a tip I wanted to share.

All last week, it's been a heat wave.  A disgusting, garbage water smell, heat smacking you in the face heat wave of gross nastiness.  It was in the 90s.  It sucked so bad.

And we don't have central air conditioning.  Normally, we don't need it in Philly.  We have a couple of window units and get along just fine.  Except for the few days of the year where it's a heat wave.  Then the window units can't cope.

And if I'm too hot, I can't sleep.  I just lay in my gross sweatiness, and I feel a combination of sadness and anger.  I'm sad that I can't sleep, since I am normally a champion sleeper. And I am mad and want to punch the weather.

So here's my tip. Go get 3 or 4 of those reusable ice packs. I got mine all at Rite-Aid, and they're blue. Not sure if they're always blue everywhere.  Normally, you would stick them into a lunch bag to keep it cool.  

Freeze them.

Stick the ice packs in pillowcases or wrap them in towels, and then stick them in the bed with you.  Next to your pillow. Down by your feet.

Surround yourself with ice packs.

It works for me! 

(Does this count as a life hack?)  

(I kind of hate the phrase 'life hack'.)

Forgiveness

We hear so much about the value and virtue of forgiveness in our culture. We're told to always forgive the people who hurt us.  That by forgiving and then forgetting- we can heal and move on.

I think that the common sense ideas around forgiveness are wrong and misguided- like a lot of things that 'everybody knows'.

This idea of forgiveness is damaging to people who have been the victims of ongoing abuse. Because what the culture is telling these people is that they should forget about what happened to them, go back to their abusers, and give them free reign to do it again.

"It's in the past." "You have to let it go."--  This is what we hear from our abusers.  Let it go, even though they've never expressed remorse.  It's in the past and therefore doesn't matter, except- when you have an unrepentant abuser on your hands- you can predict the future pretty accurately.

I support the idea of helping victims to a place of acceptance where they can enjoy their lives and not be trapped in an obsession with the past.  I do not support the idea that the culture should push down ideas of 'play nice and make up' to people who have been damaged by their situations.  I don't think we should tell people how to feel about the dark times of their lives.

I think that our culture is very uncomfortable with the idea that there are broken people out there who struggle every day with their past.  Because we're uncomfortable-- and our culture can't deal with being uncomfortable-- those people are silenced.

Just turn the other cheek = Let them hit you again.

That might have worked for Jesus, but I'm not a Christian. And it doesn't work for me.  

Don't expect me to live up to a deity. I am just a person.

Do I mean that I never intend to forgive people?  No, of course not. What I am advocating for is an understanding that some people manipulate the idea of forgiveness so that you will allow them to continue to treat you like garbage.  They expect to be able to treat you however they like, and then it's your responsibility to forgive them. You can't get angry at them, they warn you, because it's your duty to forgive.  

FORGIVENESS ABOVE ALL.

Because the past is in the past. And they already apologized! Can't you tell by how they are yelling at you now, that they should be forgiven and allowed full access to continue their prior behavior.

NO.

We need a new definition of forgiveness that includes space for people to protect themselves. For people to say no. For abused people to express their anger before it chokes them without being told to 'turn the other cheek'.  

'Forgive and forget.'  As if that's even possible.  Even if the mind forgets, the body remembers.

Our culture is so fucked that we tell people to forgive everything and ignore the past while also wondering why abused wives don't leave their husbands-- which we wait to wonder until after something unspeakably violent has occurred.  THIS IS FUCKED UP.  

Stand and Burn 

by Claudia Boleyn

I once told a joke about a straight person.

They came after me in droves.

Each one singing the same:

Don’t fight fire with fire.

*

What they mean is: Don’t fight fire with anything.

Do not fight fire with water.

Do not fight fire with foam.

Do not evacuate the people.

Do not sound the alarms.

Do not crawl coughing and choking and spluttering to safety.

Do not barricade the door with damp towels.

Do not wave a white flag out of the window.

Do not take the plunge from several storeys up.

Do not shed a tear for your lover trapped behind a wall of flame.

Do not curse the combination of fuel, heat, and oxygen.

Do not ask why the fire fighters are not coming.

*

When they say: Don’t fight fire with fire.

What they mean is: Stand and burn.

To my father

On the occasion of this Father's Day which, as we both know, did not go well.

I don't know if you will read this. I'm not sure if you're monitoring my blog on an ongoing basis or if you decided once was enough.

I'm sorry if your feelings were hurt by something you read. That was not my intention.

But as to your demand that I never write anything else about anyone in the family, which means basically almost my entire childhood would be off limits-- I respectfully decline.

There are things in my life that happened that feel like they are poisoning me from inside my own mind-- slowly, day by day.

Writing about these things is helpful.  Sharing them with others is helpful.  It fosters a community of support, and I can't give that support up.

People have sent me messages to let me know that the things I've written have helped them in their own struggles.  These messages mean the world to me.  I can't give that up either-- the opportunity to know I've helped someone.

I have tried to tell the truth as best as I can remember it. 

To everyone else--

I'm sorry, everyone, but that's all I have for right now.  This episode has upset me pretty badly and I find I am not able to write about the other topics I had planned.  I need a little time.

Next week- I'll try to start tackling atheism- which has been something I wanted to talk about for a long time, but there's been so much going on with fat activism that I haven't had a chance.

Feel free to leave comments or contact me in other ways, and I'll see you next week.

Making choices

The idea of individual choice is a huge part of Western culture.  Especially in the US. We have enshrined the ideal of the individual choice as our most sacred secular right.  

MY body.  MY choice.  

I am a strong supporter of  the idea of body autonomy- the idea that your body is yours and yours alone to do with what you will.  

Body autonomy is the best answer to the question of reproductive rights.  The best answer to the non-argument in the abortion 'debate' of- but it's a baaaaaaaaby. 

You can't win an argument against cute babies. But what you can say is that no one is allowed to use someone else's body against their will. We don't force people to give blood or bone marrow. Why would we force someone to do give birth which is much more invasive and time consuming, not to mention dangerous.

Because when people talk about restricting or eliminating abortion care, what they don't want to admit is that what we're really talking about is coercion.  We are talking about using the power of the state to force people to give birth or seek abortion in some other way- a more expensive and dangerous way.  

We're talking about killing people who are pregnant. Because taking health care away results in death for some portion of those people who can't get that health care.

Refusing abortion care will result in people dying. Refusing hormone replacement therapy for trans people who want it will result in people dying. Refusing to treat people because they can't pay will result in people dying.

We're all good progressives here, right? We all agree that it's morally wrong when conservatives want to remove health care from people that they've decided are bad or have made bad life choices. 

(Except people who are hate-reading this blog. HELLO! I'm going to delete all your angry emails.)

We have elevated 'personal choice' to such a fetish that we can't even see or discuss the coercion inherent in our systems.  There are people who will tell you with a straight face that people choose to be poor. As if anyone would.

I have to wonder what happened to my good progressives are when it comes time to talk about fat people, cause shit gets hateful pretty fucking quick.  "You choose to be fat. You could go be on a diet."

Set aside the idea that there is even a way to make fat people thin permanently. (Spoilers- there kind of isn't. Not for most of us.)

Let's discuss the idea of "choosing to diet".

There are fat people who choose to diet.  I don't think those people should be kicked out of FA (Fat Acceptance). I fully understand why fat and non-fat people alike would choose to diet.  I spent years dieting before having to give it up for my own mental health.

So some fat people choose to diet. And since it's their body, they can choose to do whatever they'd like.  But let's be honest about the level of coercion that society pushes down on fat people.  

As much as we would like to tell ourselves that our decisions are all made strictly by ourselves for our own reasons, it's simply not true.  We are subject to coercion all the time.

That's one of the things that's wrong with the free market capitalism model, right?  The idea that workers and bosses can meet on a level playing field and negotiate is clearly wrong when the workers are dependent on their wage to live and the bosses can just find other people if they don't like how the negotiation is going. 

Dieting is the shield fat people use to try to defend themselves from the never ending fat stigma and hatred the world pushes down on us.  It's never ok to be fat.  But if you diet, at least you're 'doing something' about your disgusting body.  You can redeem yourself somewhat by asserting your strict diet and exercise routines.

Diet talk is how women bond. There are some women who never talk about anything else.  If you find yourself in a group like this and don't want to talk about diets- you will basically be cut out of the group. 

Pushing diets onto loved ones is considered a form of love and caring.  Friends and family members will try to 'help' by suggesting this or that diet. If you refuse the diet talk, then sometimes they get offended that you are refusing to accept their care.

Some doctors refuse to treat fat people who won't diet. Which is just about the ultimate form of coercion.

There are a ton of reasons why people choose to diet. But these reasons don't happen in a vacuum.  It's time to stop pretending that there isn't intense pressure on women to diet to conform to impossible standards.

This pressure pushes people (and especially women) into spending time and energy running on what amounts to a hamster wheel, never actually getting anywhere. Because these impossible standards require constant vigilance.  

No matter what your personal choices around dieting are- diet culture steals people's time and money.  It ruins lives and it can kill people.  It's time to stop pretending like we have unlimited choices, because until we really see how our actual choosing is restrained- we can never open up actual new options.

Periods Happen

Yeah, I'm about to talk about my period. 

I got an 'early' period this month. I have early in quotes because I can't actually remember when my last period before that was.  So either I got my period two weeks after I just had a period- or I only think it's been 2 weeks because I've completely lost track of time, which is a thing that happens.

I'm amazed how at every doctor visit, they expect me to know when my last period was. I don't remember!  Threee? Weeks ago?  I don't know!  It's not that much of an event that I make a mental note of it.  Half the time, I can't remember the date or the actual day of the week that it is.

But even with all that, it seemed weird to me.  I'm googling, and I looking up 'early period' and it says it can be "implantation bleeding", which is where an embryo is burrowing it's way into the uterus wall-- and it BETTER FUCKING NOT be that.  

I am paranoid about getting pregnant (because I don't want to), so I am always leaping to that fuck me oh god this sucks conclusion. And I'm always wrong, thank GOD.  But if you think I'd perform being sooo sad when I went and got that abortion if I ever needed one, you don't know me at all.

More likely is the conclusion that further googling offered- stress.  Stress fucks with your hormones and therefore fucks with periods.  Which is hilarious (not really) when you're sweating out a pregnancy scare, to know that just by stressing being pregnant, you can cause your period to be EVEN LATER.

I'm probably more likely to scare myself with the possibility of being pregnant than most, because it would NOT be welcome and we would NOT just go with it and have a kid.  And because I can never remember when I had my last period, and they tend to space pretty far apart.

"Why don't you take birth control?", you may ask, and it's a reasonable question. Birth control would make the periods more regular and then I would always know when I'm supposed to be getting them.

Well, here's a thing you may not know, because I didn't fucking know it-- birth control can cause panic attacks.  Specifically it gives me panic attacks, which considering that I already struggle with pretty extreme anxiety, is a really not good thing.

I was taking it and feeling really out of control- lots of bad feelings and my anxiety at a 10 out of 10 almost all the time.  I asked my doctor about it, because I was fine (or as fine as I ever am) and then I really wasn't. And the only difference was the birth control.  She said that the Pill "doesn't do that" and told me to lose weight, which was this doctor's answer to everything.

Because losing weight is a cure for anxiety?  NO.  NO IT IS NOT.  And I appreciate the current doctors I have because they don't treat my anxiety like it isn't fucking real just because it's a mental issue.  

Being treated like my anxiety disorder is just because I'm a "whiner and attention whore who just wants to throw tantrums all the time" is infuriating. And there, I'm directly quoting my sister (who is a topic for another day).  ANXIETY DISORDER IS REAL.

Partly, I'm writing this for people in my direct situation.  If you got here through googling something about panic attacks or anxiety and birth control or the Pill-- Yeah. That's a real thing. They can try to switch you to the mini-pill, which only has progesterone in it and not the estrogen. But it's possible to be sensitive to both.  If it is you and no one will listen to you- stop taking your birth control for a month (if you can) and see how you feel. 

I took Plan B once, and I felt like I was going to die from how bad my feels and anxiety got. And it went on and on, for like 2 weeks.

And I think that maybe, getting this weirdo early stress period is connected to me wanting to lay down and cry all the tears right now.  I am up to the brim on what I can take, and it's no wonder it's coming out physically too.

This is super unhelpful, because what I really need is to be able to relax and get calm, but anxiety disorder doesn't give a fuuuuck about letting you relax and get back to normal.

I think it's pretty vital and important to talk about period stuff more, just because it's a completely normal thing to talk about. And if anyone's like ewww, gross- stop being so immature. People with uteruses who haven't gone thru menopause-- these people have periods.  I don't think it's helpful to keep it as something we only talk to our friends about, and even then not often.

And look, I'm not asking people to go full on Hippie Mamma and worship their periods and throw them a party every month. I mean, you do what you like, but mine can be a total bitch of painful and badly timed sometimes. 

I just want to be like- Hey. This is a normal body thing that bodies do. And I want to be able to do that without all the dudes screaming and running away like little children because they think we're so gross.  That's demeaning, and it needs to stop.

So I'm going to stop writing now and go practice some self care, which means making myself a nice lunch and then watching TV until I feel like doing something else.

(Don't worry about telling me to go to the doctor. I've going for my yearly visit w/ Planned Parenthood in a couple of weeks.)

Fatshion

It's been a hell of a week. Twitter, which is a medium I really love, crossed over a line this week to being really violating and invasive. Well. Mostly, only a couple of people did, but still. I needed a break.

I decided I would talk only about clothes until I felt better.  And you know, it felt really nice.

Trolls are not going to sit through hours of talk about peplums and stirrup pants.

And in other news, y'all... I'VE SEEN STIRRUP PANTS IN THE WILD.  They're coming back!!

I can't even fully express my joy.  Do you think the huuuge shirts with the weird elastic ruffle at the bottom will be back? What about the neon plastic buckles that we would jam one side of a long t-shirt through and the sort of half-assedly attempt to arrange the resulting wrinkly mess?

Can I get a shirt with some neon pink puffy paint lightening bolts on it??

Hang on... fuck this blog post. I'm going to Michaels to get some puffy paint.

YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM BUYING PUFFY PAINT. I AM A GROWN ASS WOMAN.

This preceding was a joke. Unless it isn't, because the more I consider this plan, the better it sounds to me. LOOK. I need something to wear with my stirrup pants.

And I am NOT even kidding about the stirrup pants.  The instant stirrup pants appear in my size (that don't look like ASS- yes I can see you, Jessica London)- I will buy like 5 pairs.

So let's talk fatshion.  The reason I want to is not just to give myself a mental break, although that is part of it- but it's also because killer clothes for fat women are not broadly available. 

I rely on shopping almost exclusively online, and most of the stores I buy from are places I learned about from other fat women online.  So I'm going to make a list for y'all, to pass along the good word.

One of my favorite stores is Domino Dollhouse.  Their latest line is called Pagan Poetry and is a love letter to the movie The Craft, where all the pieces are named after my favorite songs by The Smiths, The Cure, and Echo and the Bunnymen.  So, it's basically like someone went inside my gothy, occulty obsessed brain and made clothes exactly just for me.

There is a shirt that says "We are the weirdos, mister." Excuse me. I am laying on the floor and dying with misfit teen happiness.  I promise you- almost every time someone stops me to ask me about my outfit- it's from Domino Dollhouse.  Sizes generally up to a US 4X. I believe I've seen a 5X here or there as well.  

LucieLu- Up to a US 5X- always check measurements, but a lot of their clothes are stretch and they mention in their listings which ones do stretch, so that can give you some leeway.  

I have a set of T-shirts from Lucie that look amazing with jeans. They're made to fit my fat body in such a way that it really looks good- not too big or too tight. Shapely.  I haven't bought much from them in the past year, because I wasn't into their last collection, but I did just buy this polka dot dress. It's got a good juxtaposition of kind sporty top, but then the dots are small and ladylike with a nice fullness in the skirt portion.

Also, their clothes are incredibly well made. I have clothes from them that are 5 years old that have held up to pretty regular washing and wearing.  

If you need some femme-y lady blouses for work- this is the place.

Do you want to be the quirky girl- like do you remember Pushing Daisies? The female lead, Chuck, dressed like she fell out of a Tim Burton-y dream of the 50s/60s and hit all the quirk branches on the quirk tree on her way down. And I was SO FUCKING JEALOUS of her, because I wanted every single thing she owned.

Well. If you like quirky things- Modcloth is now selling plus sizes up to a 4X. Make sure you check the reviews and the sizing very carefully, as the dresses are all from different designers and may not be sizing consistent. I got an oversize sweater from them that I really love.

Eshakti specializes in Mad Men 60s style cotton dresses. I have 2 dresses from them, and they are pretty cool. Be warned, most of the dresses have zero stretch. It looks like they are starting to include some cotton spandex mixes, but be careful.  What you should really do is pay the extra $7 and have them tailor the dress to your exact body. I had one of the dresses do that and it fits like AMAZING. Goes up to a 6X.

Simply Be and Asos Curve are both pretty up on current trends, which is great b/c Lane Bryant fucking SUCKS at that. 90s floral throwback is the thing this year, and you can get that at both these stores.

Basic black leggings are pretty easy to come by now, but I get mine from Wal-Mart.com. 

If anyone feels the need to give me a progressive lecture about how bad Wal-Mart is, please don't do that. For a lot of plus size people, Wal-Mart is their only option. And being as I am not made of money, and I need a pair of leggings for everything I wear- I can't afford to give Torrid $30 for each pair, ok?  

Re/Dress is THE place for teggings. Don't know what teggings are? They are magical. 

Re/Dress has a line right now that is based on the movie Hairspray. They have Tracy's roach dress!!! I want that dress so fucking bad, but I can't imagine where I would wear it, and it's too much for me to buy just for fun.  

Re/Dress rotates their stock a lot, so it you don't like what they have right now, just check back next month. They had fleece tights this winter, which is the only way I survived the polar vortex.  

They also try to keep a stock of masculine/butch styles, which is not an easy thing to find in plus.  They stock vintage and they have a great return policy.

Ok!  Now let's talk about vintage.  Specifically vintage on Etsy. All I can say here is to really know your measurements, size up a couple of inches at least to allow for bad measuring on the part of the seller, and expect to get some clunkers. Don't spend too much on any item, b/c they usually aren't returnable.

I find paging through the hundreds of returns for the search "plus size dress" weirdly soothing, so I'm usually able to find a few things.

The Curvy Elle is the closest thing you can get to a sure thing in vintage plus.  Good measurements and fat bodies in the clothes. I have several things from here. If I say I'm wearing thrift, it's a good chance this is where I got it.

I just discovered Sabrosa Vintage this week, and it looks great. I haven't bought anything from there yet, but I suspect I will.  Again- all the things I look for in vintage plus- fat bodies in the clothes and clear measurements.  They don't have the plus size in the different category, but they have the same model in them, and I just look for her lovely face.

I like that FatFancy has a couple of dresses that go up quite larger than I'm used to seeing in vintage, like this one. Red w/ small polka dots in a 62"-70" bust. 

Check the measurements- but I've bought muumuus from Sustainable Wearable that I really loved.

In non vintage etsy- 

I bought this maxi dress from MyUniverse to wear to a wedding and it fits like they said it would. It's beautiful. Maybe a good option for prom or something else fancy.

I'm always checking back into Platipuses to see if she's made more punk flavored awesomeness. I kind of want to say that if one of you buys that white skull dress, I will cut you-- but I am probably not going to buy it because I am afraid to wear white. I spill things.

This sweater from KMK Designs kind of makes me want to die. I WILL order one of these for next winter.

(Edited to remove the recommendation for printed tights. They rolled down and then ripped when I tried to wear them.)

I can't leave out Hissy Fit even thought her pre-made clothes have a hip to bust ratio that doesn't work for me. One day, I plan to commission a dress from her, because her design and fabric choices are so perfect.

That's all I can think of (or have bookmarked).  Do you have anything for ME? Leave me comments. I love finding new stores.

Selfies FOREVER

Another group of thoughts I wanted to save from Twitter before it disappeared. 

Who finds the snark and put downs over selfies surprising? Not me. Oppressors want to control the act of image making to make their control easier.

Thank god for smart phones and selfies and Tumblr and outfit of the day posts. It is KEY for marginalized people to see each other.

Who is going to show us a real picture of ourselves? The capitalist, cis hetero white thin-worshipping male media? I don't think so.

Being able to see other fat women has liberated me. Seeing other groups of people has made me aware of struggles I didn't know about before.

Media portrayals of marginalized people are designed to continue to oppress them. Or there are no images, and those people are erased completely.

People have actually said to me that there didn't used to be fat people. I mean, come the fuck on. YES, THERE WERE. But, that is how erasure happens.

How much less easy would it be to call fat people an "epidemic" if we had easy access to photos of fat people from earlier times?

So. In conclusion- SELFIES FOREVER.

Take all the selfies. You deserve to exist! Steal back the image of what humanity looks like from the people who would erase everyone they don't approve of.

Outfits for this week

Because it's FUCKING IMPORTANT for fat people to be visible and seen.

And because I LOVE clothes.

And a bonus silly face, green eyeshadow selfie at the end!